Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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