New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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