I'm going to jail i love you
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
