They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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