Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
