I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize