Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
