I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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