i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
