kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
