we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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