i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
