I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
