She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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