so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She bit a glass in half.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
