a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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