I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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