Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
