i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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