quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
