How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
