I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
