Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
is it fun? or sober?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
