you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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