wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
