i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
