hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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