i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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