it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
