He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
