I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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