Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
