so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you didnt know i had herpes?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
