That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
