And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
