I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He felt like a one man threesome
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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