I want to walk on stilts...naked
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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