Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
