I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
