It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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