why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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