Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
