when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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