Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
