Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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