God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
