I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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