9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
