well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
