this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We left the knife in your bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
