is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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