haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
