1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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