Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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