Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
