i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
