you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
