And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
