Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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