I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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