Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Apparently you make a good broom.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
