that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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