Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Holy sore nipples Batman
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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