I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
