Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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