I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize