I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
