when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
