So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
