i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
