You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He felt like a one man threesome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
