Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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